mother to mother

I can try to imagine the impotent rage and pain that I, as a mother would feel if my child was shot and killed by anyone, let alone a police officer. Knowing that nothing could bring my child back and wanting justice so deep in my core and knowing there really isn't any...and never will be. Add to that; racial tensions and the growing concerns that most Americans have about our police force and the power that we gave them, and that they are taking to the extreme, fueling the fire in me. In calmer moments, later, as a parent; I would maybe be able to sit down and see another point of view, but still, in my heart the anguish would be so great that to place even the tiniest amount of blame on my child would feel like a betrayal. Rage and grief and disbelief, shock and helplessness would rule me. I would lash out, I would collapse, I would scream, I would cry. I.WOULD.WANT.SOMEONE.TO.PAY. period. Being convinced that my child should still be standing, maybe facing some charges, but still alive, and knowing that this shouldn't have happened, hearing an acquittal would be a blow to the heart and gut, a monumental slap in the face in front of the world. Apparent proof that people really don't care. I would not want a camera in my face. I would not want the world judging me by my actions, and my words, and the grief and anger that I would be clothed in. I cannot say that I would not feel some vindication in the rage and anger that a group of people felt on my, and my child's behalf. I cannot say that I would not shout for destruction. I have no idea, because I have not dealt with it. But as I sit here crying and watching this mother, and attempting in some way to put myself in her shoes, I feel the vibration of injustice in my body. Multiply that by a thousand, and just maybe I would feel what this mother is feeling. I would always think there had to be a different way. I will never say that this woman is wrong in what she is feeling and how she is reacting. I will never say that Michael Brown had this coming. Since I am not his mother, I AM able to say that Officer Wilson reacted appropriately in the situation, according to testament. That does not change the facts. This is a tragedy. This is families torn apart and grief and pain that will always affect them. This should never have happened

what's the problem?

I just saw a meme of a full to the brim refrigerator that said "unemployed in America" and a near empty refrigerator that said "middle class in America". I want to start this by saying that I don't believe in the way that assistance has become an entitlement. I don't think that 'looking to charities, and remove the government' as a way for people to get by (and, get by is really not living; is it?) is a plausible answer, either...since the people that are spouting the END ENTITLEMENTS rhetoric are the very people that are arresting people for feeding the homeless, and slashing homeless people's tents. Yes. That's real charity there. I KNOW there are people that take advantage. I posted a video about some people yesterday on that very subject. In the crowds of thousands rushing to get rental assistance there were many, I am 100% sure, that really really really needed it. Just as sure as I am that there were some that probably really didn't. Let's look at this for a minute. We definitely live in a country where wages don't reflect cost of living. When you see families with more than one job that still struggle, that is clearly indicative of societal problems. Single mothers without child support because fathers don't think they should have to help, or just plain don't want to...and fathers that want to help but can't afford to. Young people that are uneducated and can only get a job that pays too low to live on. Not everyone has a family or a network of friends that can help them 'get by'....these people do need our help. I don't believe that minimum wage should be more than doubled. I think that is completely unrealistic, and I think that it would cause a different set of hardships. I do believe it needs to be raised. I do believe that there should be more giving by the able to help the needy. I do believe that mental health should be addressed with less stigma and more understanding in this country. I also believe that there need to be some changes in assistance, that is really a no brainer. If you think that I am wrong I want you to imagine how well you would do if you and your family of four had to live on $1,900/month.

Open world open arms

We live in a different world. we really do, there is no denying it. there may be as much violence as there always has been, but we are definitely more aware of it...what happens across the ocean is shared almost instantaneously here, and as much as we want to believe that we can trust the media and our governments we know we can't, not really, so we rely on social media. 

When stories are being told by people, they are told with passion, spoken with an "I was there" timbre, a tremble in the voice. The anger, sadness, fire...undeniable intensity. Uncut videos, street level angles, pictures from living room windows and crowds of people recording the same scene from different perspectives...raw wounds. Not always negative, we see triumphs as well. Never ceasing to touch our spirits. 

There is a level of cynicism in what is shared in this manner, too, turning us all into sleuths, doing some research so we don't share irresponsibly, sometimes sharing anyway because our 'guts' tell us there is more than we know going on. 

What this world of sharing has created in our children is nothing short of remarkable. 

Every generation has its moments marked in history, as parents that were raised in the 80s we have seen our share of amazing, touching and inspiring history. This is what we have passed onto our children. People say things about the teenagers today and their 'entitlement', and while I do see that, I also see a lot of wonderful young people. Love and acceptance without judgement, empathy, giving spirits and openness. Yet even with all that; there is a toughness, even with their willingness to love there is insight and trusted instinct and a fight. While we can look at that as a loss of innocence; we can also see that as a kind of growth. A protective layer that needed to be added...because, like I stated; the violence has always been here, now we just know more about it.

Handout Handup

We don't want people to be "given handouts"...we "don't want to support people with our taxes"..."it shouldn't be up to the government to help people, it should go to charitable organizations"...But then we pass laws specifically designed to prevent people from helping the homeless. 

I do understand that there are a lot of people that don't want to 'encounter' homeless people on their way to work, or have to 'deal with' them in atm vestibules...the blatant evidence of the suffering of others can really bring a person down. .there seems to be a borg like lack of consciousness that enables some of us to conveniently forget that these are human beings. 

As a client advocate on the board of a homeless shelter I got to see and deal with many homeless, and I know there is no cookie cutter situation. The largest group of homeless individuals is children. A lot of them are children of parents with mental illness, and mental illness plays a huge role in our homeless situation in the United States. People like to point fingers and say that homeless people are making a choice, and sometimes they are correct. There is indeed a syndrome and there are indeed people that choose to be homeless, and some of them are of sound mind when they make that decision. Others are not so fortunate, they may think it's what they want, but they aren't in a place in their minds where they can make that choice coherently. 

As a person with mental illness I am aware of the need to isolate, and I do...I deliberately isolate myself. I simply do not have the wherewithal to add another person's pull to my life. I have a small circle of people that know and love me and understand this about me. I am a strange mix of extroverted introvert with an analytically creative mind. Some people aren't fortunate enough to have people in their lives that understand their need to recharge through hibernation and still remain an integral part of their lives, and the isolation becomes complete...these are the people that end up on the street. These people simply are not going to go to a shelter. They are not going to go to a community center and gather socially to eat among many. These are the people that are falling through the cracks, these are the people that are getting hurt by these laws of no public feeding, of bus benches with arms so people can't lie down, of tents and shacks being cut up and knocked down by the river and under bridges. 

These people need our compassion, not our boot.